I have not forgotten you...

...I’ve just been crazy busy the last two months with long work days, freelance projects and lots of obligations at home. We just finished building a new front porch and a back deck, and landscaping the yard has occupied more of my time than I could have imagined. We went to Asheville for a baby shower. I worked out of our New York office for a week. We took a long weekend in NYC as a family. We hosted a last minute dinner for friends who adopted a baby. There were birthday parties and holidays and cookouts with friends. We had life to live and enjoy and you, my little blog, became last on the list of priorities.

I think you can understand.

It’s not that I don’t love you my dear blog, because I do, it’s just that the relationship has changed over the last 5 years. Life feels normal-ish now and busy with the right kinds of things. My focus has changed. I loved the early days of writing here when it was all about decorating a nursery, learning about breastfeeding and cloth diapering. When connecting with other women who were adopting, or dealing with the struggle of infertility, or new moms, or even just readers who were interested in reading our story, made this all mean something.

But now there is less to update on that front. Life is a little more stable in regards to trying to make babies (we're not), adopt (we're not) and keeping a child alive and happy (still learning this). Raising a kid is very different than taking care of an infant, but some of those complexities and complications are things I don’t want to document here. I feel very compelled to protect my daughter’s privacy as she learns and stretches and grows into childhood. I think I had a tendency to over share things when it had to do with me because it was MY life and MY choice to share it, but my daughter does not understand social media and cannot understand how things online are truly permanent so I have to make the right choice for her. And that choice is to start keeping things like how we handle tantrums or potty training or just the complexities of childhood, a little more private. 

I also feel like the realm of social media has changed. We take in the world 140 characters at a time. We read in headlines and blogging is the opposite of that. There is not a strong appetite in me to write here in long form on a consistent basis anymore. It feels like the end of an era for me and you.

So what I am trying to say is, it’s not you, it’s me. I love you, my dear blog of mine, but I can’t keep the same level of commitment anymore. We aren’t breaking up, but we are taking a breather. I will be back to post things like before and afters of our home renovations, random updates on my life, links to love or cute photos from a vacation, but that's about it. And it won't be every week… it might be 1 time a month, maybe more, maybe less.  I can't commit. 

It's not goodbye, it's just... I'll see you when I see you. 

Currently

Here is what I have been up to currently: 

Feeding - I'm still creating weekly meal plans, avoiding sweets and alcohol during the week and so far so good. We had a chicken and couscous  bowl last night that was amazing (roasted corn, garlic, dried cranberries, feta cheese and a dash of red pepper over grilled chicken and couscous - yum). I'm making sriracha burgers on Saturday - can't wait!

Reading - I'm in the middle of the Federalist Papers and am about to start another (less intense) read to break it up a little. I've read 15 books so far since January!

Conceding - That I'm the worst blogger ever. When this was an adoption/infertility blog I had such a passion to keep this place going, but now I feel its more of an obligation. I post when I have time and I feel like my time in the last year isn't expendable for things like this. I'm much better on other social media outlets. 

Watching - I'm on a Scandal binge (just started it on Netflix). Also Mad Men is back!!! 

Needing - To find some lamps for our living room. We have 2 tiny table lamps for that giant space. I've been looking at this one and this one. We are also looking for a new accent chair and I have my eye on this one in the navy splatter pattern and this one. 

Gearing up for - A baby shower for one of my oldest and dearest friends next weekend and a long weekend in NYC with Matt and Brighton at the end of the month! 

Procrastinating - Yard work. We have a few bushes and weeds along our backyard fence that need to be pulled up and I just keep stalling. 

Thankful for - This home that feels like a sanctuary for me, my daughter's health (she had a terrible stomach virus a few weeks back then got her thumb slammed in a door and we took her to urgent care immediately - just a bad bruise, but it scared the mess out of me), and my sweet husband. He is so good to me.  

What are you up to currently?

Thanks to Danielle for the idea of a 'Currently' post.

10 Years

Matthew,

For 10 years we said yes – yes to each other, yes to our commitment and yes to the idea and action of combining our dreams and hopes to create something we can both be proud of.  We created a marriage and partnership that isn't perfect, but it works for us. It's peaceful and fun, and it's the place we both lean into when the world around us becomes too chaotic. We decided that it takes 100 percent from both of us to make our family work. We decided to be a team. 

We created a little world that we filled with the people and the things and the memories we love. We created something that started so small – just the two of us and our dreams – and slowly filled it with others. Some of those people were already family by blood or marriage, but most were friendships that transformed into family. And then we became so lucky to add a baby to our world - a miracle girl conceived in a season of despair and blind hope. What we have created in 10 years – our little family of 3, then our larger family and community – is beautiful. I am so grateful to have this little part of life that we can call our own. We are so lucky to belong to each other. 

We have had our hard moments too. I know there have been times when we’ve been in the thick of a struggle, or a season of feeling disconnected and the idea to just stop, or quit, or say no, feels like the easier choice. But we never made the easier choice. We said yes over and over. And that's something. Something worth taking a moment in front of everyone and saying, "We did it. We made it. We said yes for 10 years and we still love each other and like each other and would still choose each other again and again."

And I would choose you again and again, every day, for the rest of my life. I love you and I like you and I’m thankful that you are my partner, my lover, the father to our child and my best friend. Cheers to a decade and cheers to the many more decades of doing life together.

Happy 10 baby. We made it.

We love you Hawaii

It's been over a week since we have been back, but it's taken me this long to get a post up about our anniversary trip to Hawaii. We stayed in a little beachfront studio apartment on the North Shore of Oahu between Pipeline and Sunset Beach. We rented a jeep and spent half our time exploring and hiking around the island and the other half lounging on the beach or surfing.

We spent most of our time on the North Shore's beaches either on Sunset, Pipeline, Hale'iwa Ali'i or Waimea Bay, but went to the east side of the island two of the days - first to Makapu'u Beach and then to Kailua. Every beach was so beautiful! We also tried to do some "touristy" stuff like a morning at Waimea Valley, a luau at the Polynesian Cultural Center and drove around Wakiki Beach. We ate dinner a few times at food trucks in our area, at a few places in Haleiwa, and once at Ted's Bakery. We also had a traditional plate at this little place we found near Makupu'u called Ono Shrimp & Steaks - amazing food! We also made sure to do some adventurous stuff like hike down Spitting Caves, hike to a waterfall in Pearl City and surf of course.

It was an amazing week to spend with Matt, especially given we were celebrating 10 years of marriage. I feel so lucky to have seen this part of America and the world.

I took so many photos! Here are a few:

Our sunset decent into Honolulu. 

This is the beach at Pipeline on the North Shore. The famous surf contest is held here annually. 

Sunset Beach - also a famous surf spot

The view from Spitting Caves

We found out that this was a lava flow. It's so beautiful!

I'm deathly afraid of heights, but this was well worth it!

Waimea Bay - right across from this beach is Waimea Valley which is a beautiful 1800 acre historical site with botanical gardens and a waterfall. We spent our Sunday morning in the valley and our afternoon on the beach.

Sunset Beach at (ironically) sunset.

The most delicious egg, bacon and cheese sandwich from Ted's Bakery in Pupukea.

We hiked for an hour and a half in Pearl City through this state park to this amazing but freezing waterfall called Waimano. 

Matt jumped in from the rope swing, but I went in inch by inch. 

This is what we had to hike back up on the trail (we were about halfway at this point) - they call it Cardiac Hill. 

We spent one day driving the entirety of the island so we could see all the landscapes. This is the east side of the island. 

The calmest beach I saw all week - Kailua Beach. Such a beautiful side of the island. 

Matt surfed at Hale'iwa Ali'i Beach Park - another gorgeous beach on the North Shore near Haleiwa.

Food trucks are everywhere on the North Shore - Giovanni's was great for a shrimp plate, but we also enjoyed this French crepe place. 

What a wonderful, beautiful week! Mahalo Hawaii!

Off for a week...

Not that I have a regularly scheduled program over here, but I'll be absent for a little over a week starting today because we'll be in Hawaii!

Yes here, on the North Shore of Oahu!! 

I'm celebrating 10 years of marriage with Matt. (Needless to say, we are super excited to spend a week in the sun, surf and sand!) Have a good week!