I wish I could tell you more details about this adoption.
Due to respect for our child's biological parents and to him, and because I am sworn to not say anything publicly per the agency's request, I can't tell you jack squat.
But I wish I could.
Let me say this - adoption is messy and dramatic.
Because people are messy and dramatic.
And because it involves a HUMAN LIFE.
It's not the adoption of a puppy. It's a baby. It's no joke.
If I have learned anything, it's that adoption is not for sissies or control freaks or people with tendencies towards high anxiety. It is not for the faint of heart.
If anything, you need to be totally and utterly grounded in your identity and have solid, healthy relationships to thrive during the process. It can seriously reap havoc on your sanity.
I have felt, at times, utterly insane during the process. I like things orderly, and neat, and well planned out. I have no control over anything with my child, who is so much more important than my home, or my work, or my friendships that I can somewhat organize and compartmentalize and plan for.
This child matters so much and yet, I have no say in his life until after his biological mother signs a form terminating her parental rights.
It's scary. And has made me realize how the little "issues" in my life don't really matter.
I don't write all of this to dissuade you from adoption. If you feel led to adopt, do it. It's a wonderful way to create a family. But it comes with both blessings and curses.
Because again, people are messy and dramatic. So is adoption. Then again, so is life.
The STRESS would undo me. It breaks my heart for you. I will continue to pray.
ReplyDeleteSo well versed. I love how your heart speaks truth. I love you!
ReplyDeleteyou are so amazing and i love you so much. you inspire my heart... 2 months from now we'll all be blubberning about how gorgeous he is and bawling our eyes as you hold him and kiss his little cheeks. adore you woman.
ReplyDeleteYes, life is messy. And you know what I think, after having walked throug some mess? Even if I had avoided that mess, I would have found myself in a different mess. I know you know what I mean. I love you.
ReplyDeleteI hope you can write about it all after everything is said and done. I know we're all curious about this process and what it's been like for you. Keep strong...not too much longer!
ReplyDeleteI have recently adopted and it can be oh so messy. Everything you said in this post is true and my heart goes out to you. Our little one was 3 months old before parental rights were terminated and I, who is normally very laid back, was an anxiety ridden puddle. If I can be of any support to you or if I you would like my information just let me know. I would not have changed having gone through it for anything because my life is so wonderful with my little one but the residual effects of the pain in the process clung to me for a while.
ReplyDeleteStay strong Cara!! We are all rooting for yall and sending so many prayers your way!!! Wishing nothing but the best for your family!
ReplyDeletekara, you are one of the strongest women i know. all this mess will be so so so worth it the moment that baby boy is in your arms. love you and praying for you guys and baby M!
ReplyDeletelove you my sweet friend. You are not alone,and even though you can't verbally share every detail, the Lord knows all and is fighting for you every step of the way.
ReplyDeletebeen praying for you all week! didn't realize the due date was changed officially, wow. now you must feel like he's super late considering you were expecting him to come early. he's keeping everyone in suspense, that boy! you holding up okay? from one control freak to another... he'll be here before you know it! sounds crazy now but all of these LONG days filled with nervous anticipation will all blur into each other and you'll barely remember what life was like without him soon enough.
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches to feel the pain in your words. I wish I was there to hold you. I have to say, while adoption certainly adds a whole other shade of complexity to the birth experience to which I cannot speak, I hope you can find small comfort knowing that even if he were in your belly, you wouldn't be much more in control. No mommy really ever knows when her sweet baby is coming, regardless of due dates and desires. Babies come overdue and they come extremely early......(you know my history so I hope I can say this to you in love) and IT SUCKS! But at the end of the day, the day you conceive-in your womb or in your heart-God starts putting all of us through the refinement process of giving up that control........because once we do have that baby in our arms, we are never really in control again....not like we thought we were before. Hang in there sweet sister. I have been on this road with you for 5 L-O-N-G years! You are standing at the gates of having the desires of your heart fulfilled!!!!!! I will praise God with joy for that today.......but also know I can't even see to type through my tears for you as well! Love You Baby Kakes!
ReplyDeleteHi, I ran across your blog...somehow... at work just following random websites between patients (I'm a nurse). I am blessed to have six biological children (all grown) and six grandchildren (three boys, three girls). I am committed to pray for God's blessings in your adoption adventure. I'm raleighlynn on Twitter and Lynn Norton McLeran on Facebook. I sure do hope you will "friend" me or find me! Now that I have introduced myself, I have a question: My third child and first girl, Karen, was born with a chromosome deletion called Smith Magines syndrome. If a birth family chose you to be the parents of their child, would you welcome a challenged child as you would a normally developing child? Tough question, I know! I hope to get to know you more as God blesses you and I follow along!
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