Adventures in B-Feeding

This is Part 1 of a little series about my experience with breastfeeding. 

Post nursing haze

I have a secret to tell you... I used to think breastfeeding was gross.

Now before you all rally to burn me at the stake, this sentiment started in my early twenties before any of my friends had children and before marriage and babies were even a thought in my head. My exposure to nursing throughout my life was very limited. I don't think I ever saw a nursing mother until college. I went to undergrad at a school that is situated in a small mountain town full of free spirits and hippies and it seemed whenever I saw a mother with her young child, I also saw her breasts. The whole movement of "natural" parenting was just a way of life there (most mom's I knew used cloth diapers, breastfed, co-slept etc) and most mothers I saw feeding their kids in public didn't use a cover or blanket. I can clearly remember seeing many a huge, stretch marked breast with an also huge, dark nipple out in the open.

And those limited experiences scarred me a little. To me, breasts had always been viewed as private, sexual objects and I was uncomfortable thinking about or seeing them in any other way. Frankly, it freaked me out.

Then my friends started having kids. Then I got married and wanted to have kids of my own. Breastfeeding still grossed me out since my breasts were only used for... ahem... other purposes, and my friends who did breastfeed told me horror stories about sore nipples and thrush and showed me pictures of them using their breast pump for the first time (horrifying). Although I wanted a baby so badly, I still couldn't imagine having my child suck liquid out of my body.

When I got pregnant, I was resigned to the fact that I would at least TRY to breastfeed my child because I knew that my milk would be the best possible nutrution I could provide (plus it's free); but I wasn't convienced that I would stick with it longer than 6 months or that I would ever enjoy it. 

I took a breastfeeding class with my friend Jessica at the local hospital when I was about 6 months pregnant (she was too - her due date was one week before mine). We watched a video of all these women showing the different kinds of nursing holds and how to get a good latch and how to take care of your nipples if they are cracked or bleeding, but all I could do was cringe watching them nurse their babies. It was boob, after boob, after boob. I think I actually broke out in hives I was so uncomfortable during the class. 

My friends kept telling me it was such a beautiful, intimate, precious act - to feed your child from your own body and the bond that would ensue because of it. As they went on and on, I nodded my head and smiled, but secretly I was still grossed out by the thought of it. 

Then my daughter was born. When they laid her naked warm body on my chest I melted into a puddle. I was instantly in love. Something in that moment changed - I felt a literal biological need to hold her and nurse her. So when the L&D nurse asked if I wanted to try to feed her, I said yes and didn't feel an ounce of anxiety about it. 

Brighton latched on immediately and as I cradled her in my arms and watched her nurse, I realized all my freaking out was silly. Breastfeeding my daughter was not gross, or uncomfortable or even weird. It was just like everyone said - it was, and still is, a beautiful and intimate and precious act.

I'll admit that I still get a little weirded out when I see someone else's boob in public (side note: mothers please cover up! there are perverts everywhere!). Maybe I was so uncomfortable because I was seeing a stranger's breast exposed in a way I wasn't used to. When my friends feed their kids in front of me it doesn't bother me in the least... but maybe I'm just used to it now and resigned to the simple fact that the female chest can be and is used for multiple reasons. ;)

I never thought I would say this: I love breastfeeding my baby.  It's been a lot of hard work, but it is absolutely worth it. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to provide this for her and to have this experience with her.