I Sing

Brighton,

The week of Thanksgiving you were more cranky and impatient than laid-back and peaceful. First it was a virus, then it was a few days of fitful sleep, then it was teething. You cried uncontrollably at points, wanting to be held, then not wanting to be held, wanting mama, then wanting daddy. You were out of sorts and tired and we tried whatever we could to make it right.

One day, after a hard evening of tantrums and food thrown on the floor and swollen gums and a slight fever, I changed you into a fresh diaper and pj's and decided an early bedtime was best. We had our milk, we read our stories and when I turned off the light, you wailed and put your head on my shoulder, creating a wet spot of tears.

I paced and rocked, paced and rocked and still you cried. I shushed and spoke softly and still you cried. And then I sang. Softly at first, just barely a whisper in your ear, then louder and louder as you quieted.

You relaxed into me and I paced and rocked and sang. My voice never hit the right notes or tone, and at times it broke with emotion, but I sang over and over.

Sleep came to you quickly after that and I hummed and swayed back and forth, relishing the moment where you were finally at peace, warm and safe in my arms.

Ever since that night, whenever you are in that  same place where emotion overtakes you and your tears are soaking my shirt, I sing. It is the same song each time, just a few lines and the chorus over and over, but it brings you back to me every time:


He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,  I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful you are, and how great your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us oh,  Oh how He loves us,  How He loves us so...


I love you so my sweet girl. These days that are more fussy and tiresome have forced me to push harder for your love and for your peace. It has pushed me to sing and through it, I am reminded of the sheer force of my love for you, and your love for me, and the love of our God for both of us.

Love,
Mama