8 Months

I cannot believe we have been waiting eight months.

We are now at the place where some of our documents are about to expire and we've got to do the paperwork shuffle again - FBI fingerprints, state criminal background checks, annual physicals and updating the home study. It's going to cost us too - almost $800. This entire process is a circus of fees.

Matt emailed the agency while I was on vacation last week (and halfway unplugged from the Internet and email) and asked what our status is - they told us:

1. We are being shown to 5-15 birth parents a month.
2. There are 50 other families in our category (meaning open to whatever race/gender).
3. Average wait times are around 9 months - 75% of families adopt within that time frame.
4. The other 25% see wait times of about one year.

Those statistics were very encouraging to me. This is the most specific they've been with us to date! I guess they don't want to throw too many numbers out, as they're averages and so many variables come into this process.

The last six weeks have been really difficult emotionally - I've been crying a lot, feeling down about this process, angry with God and having a mini crisis of faith. It all comes down to trust - I don't fully trust that this will work out, even though I know in my heart that God is good and it's meant to be.

So for today, I choose patience and joy for myself, my husband and my future child. And I'm going to choose it tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that. Until that baby is in my arms.

I'm going to practice what I preach and tell others - I'm going to believe that God is good, have hope and remember that He loves me.