Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like I could seriously change the world.

Sometimes I feel I could raise enough money to build an orphanage. Or a new school in an underdeveloped area. Or fund drilling a well.  Or send a kid to college. We live in a transitional neighborhood, full of sweet kiddos raised by single mothers or grandmothers. I've always wanted to start some after school art program for them, feed them sugar cookies and Kool-Aid and tell them about how important their education is to their future.

Sometimes I just want to sit on my couch with some chocolate and vino and read blogs.

Sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I had not gone the path always taken - school, job, grad school, marriage, the white picket fence. I think of my friends who have lived in Thailand or Indonesia, my friends who plan to live in Kenya. I think of all the AIDS orphans I long to hold and whisper "I love you" to. Would I be fulfilled? Or would I be sitting there wishing for the life that I already have?

Sometimes I wonder if the great novel is sitting in me, stacked away in dusty manila folders in the file cabinet of my brain. I started it all those years ago in graduate school.  Some of it is still on 3 x 5 discs, some burned on CDs, some written on the backs of napkins. I read it and get tired immediately. I don't know if I have the energy or courage to finish it. I think, "no one would ever want to read it". So I file it away and then think about it for months, wishing and dreaming. 

Sometimes I wonder what God would have to say if He had a Facebook account. Would he update His status with scripture? Or with new material? Would he quote some of His followers, famous or obscure?Would he comment on the latest episode of Glee or The Office?

Sometimes I hope that we'll win the lottery so we can provide for our family and friends and see some of their dreams come true.

Sometimes I hope we'll win the lottery so we can just buy a kid. 

(I know that's wrong.)

Sometimes I think this slice of life I've been served is the best I've got and I better appreciate it right now. I have a good job; a wonderful husband; fantastic friends, family and community. What else do I need?

But sometimes, I remember that I am not one to settle. I start dreaming again; about my novel, about a life bigger than what we have, about ministry and my community, about Baby M. 

I start thinking about changing the world, one step at a time. 

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, concerned citizens can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has." - Margaret Mead

Be inspired. Go change the world.

Happy Friday!