Who has two thumbs and is already worrying like crazy about her baby?
This weekend I admitted to my girlfriends about my crazy-pants worries:
- One day when Matt and I are on the lake, my kid's life jacket will come undone and he'll drown.
- I won't feed him enough formula and Social Services will come take him away.
- He'll marry some insane girl who has tattoos on her face.
- Someone will hurt him physically and then I'll go to jail for life for killing them cause they hurt my kid.
-He will resent us for adopting him.
This is normal right?
I consider myself to be somewhat of a control freak in specific areas of my life, but overall I am a pretty laid back - so this line of thinking is freaking me out a little!
You know what's freaking me out even more? I have NO CONTROL over my son until after he is born and those release papers are signed. I can't tell his biological mother to go to the doctor, get ultrasounds, take pre-natal vitamins, avoid specific foods. The agency social worker assigned to her tells her to all those things, but I am not allowed to butt in or encourage. Ever. It's weird and unnerving and adds more crazy pants to my already daily does of psychotic thinking.
Because here's what is scaring me the most - he could be born premature.
Our birthmother almost lost him in May and was classified as high-risk. She is doing everything in her power to keep him inside her womb until her due date, but the doctors told her she could go early - like 30 weeks early if she's not careful. She is 31 weeks as of yesterday so every day we move towards full term at 36 weeks is a victory.
I believe God intends the best for us, for my baby boy, for my child's biological mother. I trust and I have faith, but I'm also totally, utterly worried.
God please protect my son. Please protect his biological mother. Please protect my sanity. :)
totally normal. motherhood comes with an overload of rational and irrational fears and worries!
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to think about the kind of worries I could come up with if I were in your shoes. As of now, moving into a lake home this coming weekend is making my heart beat double-time with the thought that directly off the pier it is like 30-40 feet deep and I have a 9 month-old! He will be duct taped to his mama until he's 16!
ReplyDeleteBut as a note of encouragement from personal experience: a) I have a 13 year-old sister in-law who was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. She's a great kid. b) my own 12 year-old baby sister was born at 30 weeks. She was in the hospital for the first 6 weeks of her life. Once she got out of the preemie stage she was a perfectly normal, sweet, tiny baby (that danced all through her toddler years--SO STINKIN' CUTE!) and is a totally healthy, normal, happy young lady.
All that to say, IT WILL ALL BE OK. <3
Happy Worryin'... Pretty soon that bundle is gonna be soaking up the tears of joy you're going to be pouring all over him. :)
(PS! I've only been stalking you for a couple days;;; came over from Boho Baby Bump)
I worried all the time with my first one. I prayed a lot about it, and still have to. I'm a worry wart.
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, every week the baby stays in there is a victory during a high risk pregnancy. I'm going through one right now, so it making it to certain dates was wonderful. 36 weeks isnt far away, so I hope she can make it that long, or longer :)
Just added full-term baby to my prayer list! You are going to be a great mama :)
ReplyDeleteWorry comes with the territory. I'm praying protection over you all!
ReplyDeleteTotally normal. Just wait till after baby is here! That adds a whole nother level of crazy to your life! :) Think no sleep and not thinking straight. Thats when you'll get a whole new boat of worries. :) Praying he stays put for at least another month!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone else. I wasn't prepared for the "worry" aspect of motherhood. It's a whole "new normal" in every expectant mama's life.
ReplyDeleteMotherhood makes us all a little crazy! Sending love and prayers your way, stay inside a little longer little baby! xx
ReplyDeleteTotally normal, Mama!! You are experiencing the hardest part of motherhood: worry. Even more fun when paired with its inevitable counterpart: guilt:) Just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and pray. And know that you are not alone, you have all of us!!!
ReplyDeleteoh, friend. How difficult! I am joining you and praying for a mature healthy baby. I am sorry about the worry, yes it is normal. The surrendering process is hard but so beautiful. All my prayers are with you and for you. xo
ReplyDeleteSO normal: ) Sweet one, God has a perfect plan for your son (and you and Matt) and no amount of worrying can change that— but it's still normal. SO normal. THANK GOD YOU'RE HAVING CRAZY-PANTS MOMMY THOUGHTS!!! EEEEEEEEEE!!!
ReplyDelete-Tia
Standing with you Kara. Those are all completely normal thoughts that every parent has!!! Baby M will be here healthy and whole. And his birth mom will recover beautifully and have complete peace in her decision. Yes...In Jesus Name!
ReplyDeletetoo normal. Not worrying would be a bigger issue. But that's where faith needs to come into play. You two will rock as parents - that is already one fortunate bambino. And you have a huge supporting cast of people to lean on that love you and Baby M.
ReplyDeleteboth crystal's babies were preemies, as you know. I was worried half to death, but was reassured when I knew what the "good enough" preemie date was, if you know what I mean, the date when the baby would not need assistance to breathe. I can't remember how many weeks that is, but C would know. after they passed that week, I just felt like everything else was gravy. am I making any sense at all. I am wanting to be comforting (I owe you one of those ;) Praying for you dear one.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot one: "What if I can't find a bathroom, and my bladder explodes?!" from the movie, "What About Bob?" (Sorry, I thought we needed a little comic relief.)
ReplyDeleteJennifer Riddle I wrote you a super long message on your blog but when I went to send it... it disappeared. =( I'll try to make a much shorter version here. I agree that I'd be worried if you didn't worry. You are normal and will be an AMAZING mom. And as someone who has lived through one of your fears- the amazing part is that even when it goes outside of the way you wish it would go- you feel God's very peaceful grip on your life guiding and you helping you through every beautiful glorious step. I got to see that there was nothing the birthmother could do that Would ruin Nadia's life because GOD is The One that controlled her every breath... her every heart beat... her every single second of life. And whatever awful choices the birthmother made- God did as He saw fit. And he chose to protect Nadia. She was born around 31 weeks (they're guessing)- her heart stopped, so they used the defibrillator, then she stopped breathing, so they tubed her, then they sent her via helicopter to hospital specialized in heart failure... the list goes on. The birthmother never so much as took a flintstone vitamin while pregnant but GOD HAD HUGE plans for Nadia's life and He sustained her every breath!! Here she is 22 months later my own personal miracle- a daily reminder of how big God is. I had NO control. And that was a liberating thing. That same God who granted us a miracle has loving beautiful plans for you, Matt and a precious baby boy. I am enjoying watching His glory unfold in your captivating adoption story. For whatever the future holds- it will be for God's glory. I will continue praying for you guys. (And can you believe this is Way shorter than what I wrote on your blog?!?! Sheesh)
ReplyDeleteWelcome to motherhood! Yes - it starts before birth and includes all the craziness you describe. Climb aboard for the best ride of your life!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you have worried shows that you really do have parentitis. It is normal. I pray that you'll quickly be able to toss each care right into Jesus' lap (cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you). You're not meant to carry them. On the other hand, don't beat yourself up when you do worry. We've all been praying for this baby for a long time, and we'll keep praying, trusting, and believing. I love you and want to encourage you that we all go through this as parents, or soon to be parents. What happens is that you learn to lean even more on the Lord as He proves Himself faithful day by day. What you're doing right now is growing in faith and parental grace.
ReplyDelete-AC
i'm not even a momma yet and i already have crazy fears about my future children! (baby crazy lol). Sending prayers for that little bun to continue baking for a few more weeks!
ReplyDeleteOh, great blog... I had a fear of leaving both of my kids in their infant car seats in parking lots. I would be pulling out of a grocery store parking lot and start hyperventilating, just know that I had left the car seat on the asphlat beside the parking place. Basically, you will be a rockin' mother... any baby will be BLESSED to be in your arms.
ReplyDeleteIt's all good. And like Sandy says, it starts at motherhood and never ends - never!
ReplyDeleteYou're a mommy now and that's what mommy's do :) MUAH!!!!
ReplyDelete