Matt and I are adopting again.
Two weeks ago when we found out that our adoption had failed, our agency asked us (ever so gently), did we want to move forward and try to adopt again? And if so, when could they put us back on the list?
I thought about it for a few seconds and replied, "Today. You can put us back on the list today."
It seems sudden. It seems like we didn't think it through. It seems like we didn't take a second thought or moment to give ourselves time to process, and grieve, and heal from what just happened.
But things aren't always what they seem.
Am I grieving that baby that was almost ours? Of course I am . Am I questioning the will of the Lord? You bet. Am I still angry and frustrated and hurt? Yes, yes, yes.
Our agency reminded us that while a failed adoption is slightly different than a miscarriage, it is just as common (20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, 20% of domestic adoptions are disrupted/fail). Most of my friends who have been through the tragedy of miscarriage had to wait a few weeks to start trying again.... but they all tried again.
We didn't technically miscarry, but we lost a baby.
And we are trying again.
We want our family to grow from 2 to 3. I want to be a mother. Matt wants to be a father. We can and will grieve while we our agency is actively showing us to other potential birthmothers. We can work out our frustrations and hurt while we wait.
I'm scared to start again. I scared that we will wait another 9 months for a match. I'm afraid of the potential failure of it again. But we have to try.
And so begins Round 2...
Praying for this next step! There is a sweet little one waiting to call you "mommy"! They're excited that you decided to try again too =)
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best of luck and pray you will get your baby very soon!
ReplyDeleteThis is very exciting news! I am so excited for you two! I hope so much for the success of your family!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations! I will be praying for you as the process continues and as you grow and heal.
ReplyDeletei love you so much.
ReplyDeleteI just recently started reading your blog and was so sad for you guys when the adoption fell through but this put a smile on my face. Very happy for!
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, not trying hurts as much as trying. It all hurts when your heart is just broken. I guess my experience doesn't offer much hope, but please know, your grief is real and life changing, and we are all grieving with you as we continue to pray that the Lord will make you parents!
ReplyDelete"If you can dream it, you can do it." Walt Disney
ReplyDeletehang in there...
PS This quote is on the wall in my house!
Congratulations... you are destined to be parents and I can't wait for it to happen x
ReplyDeletePraying for you both as you grieve and praying God will send you His comfort during this time. Also, hoping Round 2 will go smoothly (as smooth as adoptions can go!) and that you will be parents soon.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why, but this gave me chills!! So thrilled for you guys. We have a big God, and He has the most gorgeous amazing perfect little baby for you to be a mother to. Prayers for you guys! :)
ReplyDeletego for it.
ReplyDeleteI agree go for it. there is nothing wrong with trying again.
ReplyDeleteHooray! Your baby will be such a lucky little one!
ReplyDeleteSo happy you guys are giving it another go! Sending good vibes your way!
ReplyDeletemoving on bravely, that's great to hear!
ReplyDeleteI really hope it works out for you this time. Just rest assured knowing that the baby you'll bring home to your family is the one that is meant to be. I am also on the trail of adoption. I'm not as far along my route as you are, but I can still understand the frustration and depression of the drop. Good luck to you! And I love your blog. Thanks for sharing your journey with us!
ReplyDeleteWoot Woot! Excited for you guys to continue the journey to parenthood! You have so many cheerleaders rooting for you both!
ReplyDeletei just started following your blog recently & my heart broke when your adoption fell through. i'm glad your hearts are open to trying again & pray that your child finds its way to you very soon!
ReplyDeleteYes. That is great news. Your baby is so lucky that you haven't given up.
ReplyDeleteThis is good news! I am so happy for you and praying for your baby to find you :)
ReplyDeleteAwesome!! This was an awesome post and I can't wait to read your next adoption update. Keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteHaving lost two babies to miscarriage, I know how hard this is. It's an odd kind of grief, to grieve something that could have been is hard to process. I'm so glad your not letting fear get you in way. Keep going, God gave you the desire to be a mommy, because there is some one out there to call you mommy. Praying.
ReplyDeleteI just adore you two, and think about your story often. I do not know how you must feel right now, but I am so happy that you are not giving up.
ReplyDeleteExcited to see your family grow. Excited to see God's plan for your lives. Excited to pray for you.
ReplyDeletegreat idea.
ReplyDeleteI think that your daughter or son is smiling in whatever form they currently exist, so excited that they are going to join your family soon. They are already yours :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are trying again...I've been struggling with that same thing lately. This was our 2nd failed adoption, and although I still cling to the truth of God's word and don't feel that He's asking us to close that door yet, I don't know how much more my heart can take. We're now having to update our home study (which in itself isn't a huge deal, but it costs money and I hate that 7 of the last 12 months that our last home study covered, seemed to have been wasted. I know God is not surprised by any of it, but my frustration has been winning lately). I'll be praying right along with you, as God heals our hearts and helps us to trust Him, and not a future birthmom (not that we won't trust her, but you know what I mean...we can trust God to take care of our hearts). I will be looking forward to following your journey, and walking with you as well.
ReplyDeleteBlessings, my new friend,
Liesl
irwin-update.blogspot.com
You may want to consider adding to your options via a referral service. It tends to shorten waits. I adopted through both Little Bit of Heaven Adoption Referral and A Bundle of Joy Adoption Referral with success.
ReplyDelete