Do you know the story of Jacob and Esau?
Read Genesis Chapters 25-50 for the full story, but as a recap Jacob and Esau were twin brothers, born to Rebekah and Isaac at a late age. Jacob was the second born and his father favored the older son Esau. Jacob stole Esau's blessing from him by tricking his blind father into thinking he was Esau, then he fled the country, worked for his uncle, got married, raised a family and became pretty successful.
When it was time to leave his uncle's land and go out on his own, Jacob knew he would run into his brother, who he thought still hated him for taking something that was rightfully his - his blessing. Jacob hoped Esau wouldn't kill him so he sent gifts ahead of his family hoping it would appease his brother and then Esau would show mercy to him.
And here is the crazy part - when Esau saw Jacob for the first time in years, after all that hurt and betrayal, Esau embraced him fully and forgave him! Without Jacob even saying "I'm sorry" first!
Read Genesis Chapters 25-50 for the full story, but as a recap Jacob and Esau were twin brothers, born to Rebekah and Isaac at a late age. Jacob was the second born and his father favored the older son Esau. Jacob stole Esau's blessing from him by tricking his blind father into thinking he was Esau, then he fled the country, worked for his uncle, got married, raised a family and became pretty successful.
When it was time to leave his uncle's land and go out on his own, Jacob knew he would run into his brother, who he thought still hated him for taking something that was rightfully his - his blessing. Jacob hoped Esau wouldn't kill him so he sent gifts ahead of his family hoping it would appease his brother and then Esau would show mercy to him.
And here is the crazy part - when Esau saw Jacob for the first time in years, after all that hurt and betrayal, Esau embraced him fully and forgave him! Without Jacob even saying "I'm sorry" first!
It's apparent through the story that Jacob was the villain and Esau was the victim - and yet we see God's work in both of their lives. God still blessed Jacob even though his sin was great and Esau was still blessed even though his blessing as the firstborn son was stolen from him.
We studied this part of the Bible at church in March/April, and our pastor reminded us that we have all been the victim of a "Jacob" in our lives - someone who has taken something precious from us or someone who has hurt us beyond repair.
But on the flip side, we have all been a "Jacob" at one point or another. We have all manipulated, or tricked, or stolen something emotionally from another person. Whether we meant to or not, we have all sinned as Jacob sinned.
Over the last few days, this story hit me hard. I have been a Jacob - I know that I have not always lived my life with the purest intentions, and even when I attempt to, my actions can still inadvertently hurt someone. And I have been an Esau - I can only count on one hand the times I have fully, truly forgiven a person who has caused me a great deal of pain, or falsely accused me, or questioned my integrity; and I can only name a few instances where I have forgiven without wanting justification and an apology.
Over the last few days, one of Matt's oldest friends decided to end their friendship with us via an email. They had been avoiding our calls, texts and emails for a few weeks and over the last year we had seen this friend less and less - not because we didn't want to, but as I explained here, because our time has been so limited.
The friend told us their hurts in cryptic terms - they preemptively said they didn't want to discuss or rehash what we had done - and then said they had moved on and didn't want anything to do with us anymore.
To say this hurt us was an understatement. It broke my heart that I had hurt someone (unintentionally) through my actions, but it also hurt that this friend felt we were not worth their time or energy to allow us to make it right. They sent the email, then blocked us from every social media connection we had with them and closed us off from their life.
The morning we received the email, I prayed and asked God what to do. The immediate word I heard was "grace." Justice is getting the punishment you deserve, mercy is not getting what you deserve, but grace? Grace is not getting what you deserve plus getting blessed along with that forgiveness. It is unmerited favor.
It is not human nature to show grace.
But grace was what was required and asked. So I laid down my anger, and my heartache and all my desires to rehash the situation and really find out what we did so I could defend myself, and I let God do his work. I let him soften my heart and I forgave this friend and then asked the Lord to bless them.
A few days later, Matt did the same, sending a reply email and letting this old friend know that we respect their wishes for no further contact, but we are so sorry for what we did to hurt them, we love them and our lives and home are always open to them.
Forgiveness isn't always easy, or fun, but grace is always the answer. God's example of forgiveness through Esau, and through his son Jesus of course, is the standard and the expectation.
I want to be able to count on more than one hand the times I have done what Esau did - forgave without expectation or justification. I want to live a life full of grace.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32
But on the flip side, we have all been a "Jacob" at one point or another. We have all manipulated, or tricked, or stolen something emotionally from another person. Whether we meant to or not, we have all sinned as Jacob sinned.
Over the last few days, this story hit me hard. I have been a Jacob - I know that I have not always lived my life with the purest intentions, and even when I attempt to, my actions can still inadvertently hurt someone. And I have been an Esau - I can only count on one hand the times I have fully, truly forgiven a person who has caused me a great deal of pain, or falsely accused me, or questioned my integrity; and I can only name a few instances where I have forgiven without wanting justification and an apology.
Over the last few days, one of Matt's oldest friends decided to end their friendship with us via an email. They had been avoiding our calls, texts and emails for a few weeks and over the last year we had seen this friend less and less - not because we didn't want to, but as I explained here, because our time has been so limited.
The friend told us their hurts in cryptic terms - they preemptively said they didn't want to discuss or rehash what we had done - and then said they had moved on and didn't want anything to do with us anymore.
To say this hurt us was an understatement. It broke my heart that I had hurt someone (unintentionally) through my actions, but it also hurt that this friend felt we were not worth their time or energy to allow us to make it right. They sent the email, then blocked us from every social media connection we had with them and closed us off from their life.
The morning we received the email, I prayed and asked God what to do. The immediate word I heard was "grace." Justice is getting the punishment you deserve, mercy is not getting what you deserve, but grace? Grace is not getting what you deserve plus getting blessed along with that forgiveness. It is unmerited favor.
It is not human nature to show grace.
But grace was what was required and asked. So I laid down my anger, and my heartache and all my desires to rehash the situation and really find out what we did so I could defend myself, and I let God do his work. I let him soften my heart and I forgave this friend and then asked the Lord to bless them.
A few days later, Matt did the same, sending a reply email and letting this old friend know that we respect their wishes for no further contact, but we are so sorry for what we did to hurt them, we love them and our lives and home are always open to them.
Forgiveness isn't always easy, or fun, but grace is always the answer. God's example of forgiveness through Esau, and through his son Jesus of course, is the standard and the expectation.
I want to be able to count on more than one hand the times I have done what Esau did - forgave without expectation or justification. I want to live a life full of grace.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32
Where would we be without Grace?
ReplyDeleteTough situation. Grace. Heartache. Grace. Explanation. Grace. Understanding. Grace. Unconditional love. Grace.
Love you.
So true! I loved how you put it..."it's not human nature to show grace." So thankful that God gave me grace (or should I say, gives me grace every second, haha) and pray often to have grace with others (but still fail miserably at times).
ReplyDeleteOne quick clarification on Jacob and Esau, though...Esau sold his birthright to Jacob because he was hungry...the bible says Esau "despised his birthright" and gave it away just to fill his stomach in a weak moment of hunger. I was actually just talking to my hubby about this the other day, wondering how God was "ok" with the trickery that took place on Isaac's deathbed when Jacob lied to him, but he pointed out that God actually knew all this would take place, Esau being the oldest, but then selling his birthright, etc. He even shared it with Rebekah when he spoke to her while she was still pregnant in verse 23 “Two nations are in your womb, and two peoples from within you shall be divided; the one shall be stronger than the other, the older shall serve the younger.” One thing I still don't get is why Jacob even had to lie to Isaac when Esau had sold him his birthright in the first place...how come he didn't just tell Jacob what had happened?
Anyhow...long comment, and sort of off your original topic ;) I have been following your blog since about October/November (we had failed adoptions right around the same time). So excited to see how God continues to orchestrate your family together, and will definitely be praying for you in this heartbreaking situation. I admire your grace for people that, in human terms, don't seem to deserve it. A good lesson for me, too!
I meant Jacob stealing Esau's blessing. They were two seperate circumstances. I'll make the correction!
DeleteKara, I don't know you, but I can't tell you how much this post is blessing me and speaking to me at just the right time. I am going through a very similar situation - in terms of unintentionally wounding a former friend, being cut off from her, and now experiencing the hurt and pain from it. My anger toward her is deep, and I pray that God will take it from me. I want to lay down my anger and I want my heart to soften toward her and her husband. I know this is a work that the Holy Spirit has to do in me because my flesh wants nothing more than to fight back, defend myself, and tell her how wrong she is.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you and your husband went through this. But thank you so much for reminding me about the meaning of grace and giving me a picture of it, especially in such a similar context.
My name is Thuy Witt ("Twee") and I just posted that last "unknown" comment. :)
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