On My Heart: Balance, Weekends and Family

Matt and I don’t get to spend a lot of time together during the week due to both of us working and have a little one running around in constant need of attention and supervision. Last Wednesday, we scheduled a “business” meeting (side bar: for those who follow me on Twitter, you should read that thread; a few of my friends thought we meant something else because I put business in quotations, haha), and spent almost 3 hours discussing things that we needed to address. Some of it was focused on true business items – planning for our church small group, talking through some business opportunities for Matt, creating our wish list and budget for a new house (more on that later), health care coverage options, but the other portion was focused on us.

Before Brighton was born, Matt and I still didn’t have a lot of time to spend together. We both work a lot, as Matt’s business is growing and requires a lot of paperwork, estimates, meetings with clients and then the actual physical labor he does; and I was in a job that stretched me thin during seasons. We had the weekends to run errands and have dates, and it seemed like enough to sustain us and keep our marriage in a healthy spot.

Since Brighton was born, what time we had on the weekends was now filled with another person. We tried really hard to make sure that each of us got some alone time, and also some time with just our daughter, but that left little time for just us. This was fine at first, as we gave ourselves a lot of grace since we knew babies need their parents a lot in the first year; but over time I started to feel out of touch with my husband and out of touch with my marriage. There are seasons of ebb and flow in everything and this was a season of feeling like Matt was more of my roommate than my partner. I missed him and I missed the relationship and the time we once had, but struggled to reconcile how to get back to that place given so much had changed.

Last Wednesday, as we talked through boring topics like what health insurance plan we should choose, and mortgage rates, I felt like we were more in tune with one another – just through talking without distractions. As we moved to the topic of us, our family, what we want, it became easier to call things out that needed to change, and make some realistic goals to help us create the kind of marriage we want. We cannot go back to the place before Brighton was born, but our relationship can still be solid and healthy and encouraging and loving with our daughter in it. We just have to make time for us because in order for our family to thrive, our marriage has to thrive first.

So this weekend, we spent almost every second together, not running errands, but doing something fun. On Saturday morning, we travelled to Winston-Salem to go fall clothes shopping for Brighton (H&M hasn’t opened yet in Charlotte), and then spent the afternoon in their little historic downtown, eating a late lunch and drinking a few pumpkin beers at a local brewery. While we ate, Brighton slept in her stroller and it gave us a chance to talk face to face without any interruptions. When she woke up, we took a walk, admiring the flowers and the trees and the little storefronts, and just enjoyed stretching our legs and the beautiful weather. On Sunday, we went to church, and after Brighton napped we attending my company’s “family fun day” at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. They provided a free lunch and we were able to tour the grounds and walk on the track before the big race next weekend.

This weekend was a nice reminder of what I need to focus on – my husband and my daughter - but in a more balanced way. It’s something I know I will continue to struggle with, especially when obligations like work, laundry, bills and just life in general, pull me in a few different directions. But I’ve made the decision that more of my time needs to be focused on them – we need the quality time together as a family, and together as a married couple.

Cheers to the weekend!