Sad News

Thursday, October 6, 2011

A sweet baby boy was born on Monday, October 3 at 2:57 a.m. CST in Springfield, Missouri. However, after delivery, his mother changed her mind and will not be placing her child with an adoptive family.

Our adoption has failed.

We knew this could happen, but we never dreamed it would. It's our worst fear come to life.

We are in shock, and totally, utterly heartbroken.

There is so much more to this story, and we will share it someday.  But for now, we are going to grieve the life of this little boy who we thought would be our son.
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88 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 5:03 PM

    *hugs*
    I am so sorry for your loss. That is AWFUL. Please take care of yourselves/ each other. I'll be thinking of you and sending good thoughts your way.

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  2. Liz/October 6, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    I have silently been reading your blog for some time now but never commented. Today I want to say that I am so very very sorry for your sad news. Just know I am thinking and praying for you both and sending ((HUGS)) your way!

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  3. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    Kara, I am so sorry to hear the sad news, I saw the title and didn't want to read out of fear, I have only been following your blog for a month or two but I literally was devastated and had to pick my jaw up off the ground, my thoughts and prayers are with you and Matt in this tough time.

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  4. DREAOctober 6, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    :-( I check every single day to know the stats on your adoption. This news made my heart drop. I can't imagine the pain you two must feel! Thinking of your family

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  5. Alex ByerOctober 6, 2011 at 5:08 PM

    I've been a silent follower for a few months, but I wanted to send you both my deepest condolences. I am so, so sorry for your loss.

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  6. MelissaOctober 6, 2011 at 5:13 PM

    I'm really sorry to hear about the sad news. You should email mrs. r from therhouse.com she is an adoptive mother, and seems like someone you could talk to. Take care!

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  7. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    My heart breaks for you and your husband. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. Jess GatlynOctober 6, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    kara...i'm sobbing. i'm so sorry. there aren't any words.

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  9. EmmaOctober 6, 2011 at 5:21 PM

    So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you

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  10. Janelle @ Two Cups Of HappyOctober 6, 2011 at 5:24 PM

    I'm thinking of you both + sending you happy, hopeful wishes. I can't even imagine...

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  11. My Favorite PersonOctober 6, 2011 at 5:26 PM

    I've been a silent follower for some time now. I signed in today hoping to read much different words than I did. All I can really say is that I am so, so sorry you guys have to go through this. My heart is heavy with your loss.

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  12. JenniferOctober 6, 2011 at 5:31 PM

    So sorry to hear :-( as someone who has been through this, just remember that someday you will have YOUR baby that was meant for you. If this never happened you would never get the baby you were supposed to have. This helped me :/ praying for you and your husband.

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  13. DaniOctober 6, 2011 at 5:35 PM

    ohhhh goodness...I'm sooo sorry. I can only imagine your pain...stay strong your baby will find his or her way to you...

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  14. UnknownOctober 6, 2011 at 5:38 PM

    my heart is breaking for you guys. No words can help, but just know there are people who love and are praying for you guys.

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  15. LissaOctober 6, 2011 at 5:40 PM

    another silent follower that has been impressed with your strength and optimism through this already very tough process. please know there are a lot of people out there that you have never met that are grieving with you. so much love from Massachusetts.

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  16. Olivia GraceOctober 6, 2011 at 5:53 PM

    There are no words. I have been checking daily in hopes of seeing your beautiful smile, I am so heart broken for you. Thoughts and prayers coming all the way from Louisiana. Hold tight to your faith, Kara, God will see you through this. He has a plan for you and Matt, for this I am sure. May He bring you comfort and peace during this time. We are all rooting for you.

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  17. KateOctober 6, 2011 at 5:54 PM

    Another silent follower who just wants you to know how sorry I am. Praying for you both x

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  18. Rhiannon Ward @ Love Wisdom MotherhoodOctober 6, 2011 at 6:20 PM

    I am so sorry to hear this news, there are no words to make this any easier, so please know I am thinking of you. I hope he was born healthy, and is safe and loved. Rhi xx

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  19. BeckyOctober 6, 2011 at 6:40 PM

    My heart is broken for you! I wish words spoken could make all this pain go away! So sorry, friend! Lifting you up in prayer.

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  20. AutumnOctober 6, 2011 at 7:00 PM

    another silent follower posting my greatest sympathies. i cannot imagine what you are experiencing right now, i am so very sorry.

    autumn in indy

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  21. LisaOctober 6, 2011 at 7:04 PM

    I haven't commented before, but I have been following your journey and I am so, so sorry that you're going through this. Whenever I see that you've updated, I eagerly click hoping to hear about the birth of your child. I never expected this to happen. Thinking of you...

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  22. MarkieOctober 6, 2011 at 7:23 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is hurting and heavy for you tonight. My husband and I will be praying intently for you and your husband. For comfort, strength and endurance.

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  23. Adam and NikkiOctober 6, 2011 at 7:57 PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Piper M is a mutual friend and sent me your blog. I wish I could help take the pain away. We had 2 failed adoption within 4 months of each other. The first one was just before the little girl was born, the next was after we named the boy and had his birth cert issued and getting his passport to fly. My husband and I just had our 11 year anniversary 2 weeks after our first child was born. I gave birth at age 40 to our miracle. If you are interested in reading about our experience with our failed adoptions and maybe it will help you or not. I don't know. I just know the pain and desire to have a child is real and I am really sorry for your loss.
    http://adamnikki.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-07-31T12%3A53%3A00-04%3A00&max-results=50
    Our story is Friday, May 15, 2009
    Joy and Pain over 11 weeks

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  24. LyndsayOctober 6, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    Another silent follower here - I am so incredibly sorry for your hurt. This brought tears to my eyes. Not to minimize your current loss at all, but when your time does come, it will be so beautiful. Keep faith, there are so many hoping and praying for you.

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  25. caressaOctober 6, 2011 at 8:21 PM

    I am so, so sorry this happened to you. I have no idea what to say. I'd like to say something intended to be upbeat -- that he just wasn't meant to leave his birth mother and that your baby is still on the way. But you'd grown to love this child as your son, and I don't want to minimize that. So I'll just send a prayer and all my best thoughts.

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  26. Hot Hot JJOctober 6, 2011 at 8:59 PM

    Such sad news. Horrible. This was your son, you were waiting. To wait again must feel like the biggest blow of a lifetime. You were ready. You were ready to be a Mama.

    However, one day (lets hope soon) a baby will be yours, and without this change of events, THAT baby would not ever be in your lives.

    I am so so so sorry.

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  27. UnknownOctober 6, 2011 at 9:12 PM

    Oh Kara, my heart aches for you and Matt over this news. (I've been reading for some time now, found you through Rachel & Lorean and I'm Josh Acuff's sister.) I am so terribly and deeply sorry! Know that I am thinking and praying for y'all and praying specifically that God would bring you your baby soon, very soon!

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  28. ErikaOctober 6, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    Kara, I am SO heartbroken to hear this. I can't even imagine how awful it must feel. I pray that God's peace will flood your heart very soon. I am so sorry for your loss. :(

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  29. AmberOctober 6, 2011 at 10:28 PM

    I can't imagine what you are going through, but I know the word "disappointed" just doesn't cut it.

    I can only hope that you will be placed with a child soon. You obviously have so much love to share.

    Thinking of you xx

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  30. EmilyOctober 6, 2011 at 10:36 PM

    My heart hurts for you. So So sorry.:(

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  31. UnknownOctober 6, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    Honey, I am so, so sorry to hear the news! Sending love and prayers to you both!

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  32. TaylorOctober 6, 2011 at 10:46 PM

    I am so terribly sorry for you. I can't even fathom that kind of gut wrenching heartbreak. Don't lose hope.

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  33. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 11:03 PM

    I'm also a silent follower and I wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and I'm so sorry for this heartbreak.

    -Ali

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  34. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 11:05 PM

    It truly breaks my heart to see this happened to you. I know you were so excited and anxious to meet your little baby. I am praying for you and Matt. Know that you have a lot of support. Love you Kara.

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  35. AnonymousOctober 6, 2011 at 11:06 PM

    Sorry Kara, the message sent from Anonymous was from Jamie Fredrickson. I am not really sure how to work this blog commenting.

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  36. E @ Oh! ApostropheOctober 6, 2011 at 11:07 PM

    So very sorry to hear this news. Thinking of you.

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  37. MirandaOctober 6, 2011 at 11:08 PM

    I'm so so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you both.

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  38. GretchenOctober 6, 2011 at 11:10 PM

    Oh Kara, I'm so sorry. You will be in my prayers!

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  39. Caitlin at Healthy Tipping PointOctober 6, 2011 at 11:23 PM

    I am so sorry.

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  40. AlyssaOctober 6, 2011 at 11:38 PM

    Oh my goodness. My heart goes out to you and Matt. You will be in my prayers!! Just remember, even though it is hard, that God is faithful and He has a perfect plan for you!!

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  41. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 12:05 AM

    so, so, so sorry. sometimes life is so unfair and it's so hard not to ask why...

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  42. Amber KOctober 7, 2011 at 12:35 AM

    I am so, so sorry! This is one of my worst fears.

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  43. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 1:10 AM

    So sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you.

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  44. India DaisyOctober 7, 2011 at 2:27 AM

    Ah no...i follow your blog everyday to see whats happening, i am devastated & sad. Please don't give up!

    xoxo

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  45. AliceOctober 7, 2011 at 4:50 AM

    I am so very very sorry. Thinking of your family and sending so much love xxx

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  46. MimsiOctober 7, 2011 at 7:11 AM

    I am so sorry for you guys. You and Matt are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  47. AmandaOctober 7, 2011 at 7:13 AM

    (Psalms 103:1-4 NKJV) Bless the LORD, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! {2} Bless the LORD, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: {3} Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, {4} Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,

    (Psalms 147:3 NKJV) He heals the brokenhearted And binds up their wounds.

    I pray the Lord quickly heal your broken hearts and open them up for new life.

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  48. Love Being A NonnyOctober 7, 2011 at 7:21 AM

    Nothing I can say will change things, but I CAN tell you I love you and I know who holds your future in His hands. Praying until your son/daughter is in your arms.

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  49. JaymiOctober 7, 2011 at 8:30 AM

    I can't even...I'm so, so sorry for your family. I will be thinking about you.

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  50. LauraOctober 7, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    I don't know why bad things happen to good people, I will hope and pray that everything will work out for you, even though I don't know you personally, I know you deserve it!

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  51. SaraOctober 7, 2011 at 9:36 AM

    Thinking of you all during this rough time. I hope you'll be able to find peace with this in time, but I know that can't be easy. <3

    -Sara-

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  52. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 9:56 AM

    Another silent follower sending you prayers today for comfort. My heart breaks for you both, I am so sorry. My husband and I on the adoption road too (close to "waiting"). Praying.

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  53. BreanneOctober 7, 2011 at 9:58 AM

    My heart is hurting for both of you. praying the Lord gives you strength, healing and peace during this time. There aren't even words to say.
    -Breanne

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  54. BlairadiseOctober 7, 2011 at 10:27 AM

    I also didn't want to read your post today. So terribly sorry for your loss.

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  55. Molly BOctober 7, 2011 at 11:26 AM

    I am so so sorry- I really thought that she would not have changed her mind...my heart hurts for you guys! Saying many many prayers for you all...God WILL give you a baby!!!

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  56. JenOctober 7, 2011 at 11:51 AM

    My heart goes out to you two. I am so, so sorry!

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  57. FunnyGal KATOctober 7, 2011 at 12:46 PM

    You guys are in my prayers. I have been checking your blog daily waiting for the announcement your little guy arrived. I never imagined this would be the news. I hope you are able to feel the love and strength being sent to you from your readers. Stay strong.

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  58. KristiOctober 7, 2011 at 1:15 PM

    I am sorry beyond words, Matt and Kara. I pray for you both. I pray for the little boy that was who will never know your love.
    I hope you will continue to blog about your journey with adoption- you have so many people who are pulling for you!

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  59. AprilOctober 7, 2011 at 2:59 PM

    I dont even have enough words to explain how sorry I am to read this! My heart just breaks for you guys. I am praying for you in the coming days! I also wanted you to know that I shared your blog with a sweet friend of mine. She just shared today that their adoption fell through. They have been matched since March. They were all ready to welcome their baby boy too and have dealt with years of waiting to become parents. I also wanted to recommend to you http://www.amazon.com/Hannahs-Hope-Infertility-Miscarriage-Adoption/dp/1576836541/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1318013942&sr=8-1. It help me in my darkest days after my losses and my wait. Hang in there sweet girl as best you can!

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  60. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 3:44 PM

    I have been following you for quite some time now and when I read this, I almost cried. You would have deserved this baby so much. It hurts to just read this and I wish I could send you a very big box of pralines, but an anonymous hug will have to do.

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  61. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 4:08 PM

    I have tears welling in my eyes....I am so so sorry. I can't imagine what you are feeling. Thinking about you and saying prayers. xo

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  62. AnonymousOctober 7, 2011 at 4:15 PM

    Oh that's awful, I have been an admirer of you both for some time. Keep praying and keep your head up, there is a little baby SOMEWHERE who can't wait to meet you! What incredible parents you will be! So so sorry.

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  63. BiancaOctober 7, 2011 at 4:38 PM

    Oh that just sucks. I'm half a world away crying at my computer for a family I don't really know, that will never be. I'm so sorry for the pain and frustration you're both feeling.

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  64. Charis HillOctober 7, 2011 at 5:34 PM

    love you kara.

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  65. Thula-LaOctober 7, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    I am so sorry Kara and Matt.

    Out of this situation God's light and love will shine through.

    Praying so hard for you through sobs and tears.

    x
    Terri-Leigh

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  66. VernaOctober 7, 2011 at 7:19 PM

    So so sorry!

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  67. UnknownOctober 7, 2011 at 10:10 PM

    hey cara and matt.
    new follower.
    I am so truly sorry to hear this awful news. I have no words.
    I pray for you guys as yes, you grieve the loss. So so sorry.
    xo

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  68. CollsOctober 8, 2011 at 3:27 AM

    Another silent follower.
    I've been eagerly checking your blog every day for news about your baby boy.
    It just breaks my heart; I can't even begin to imagine how you feel.
    Praying for you and Matt with all of my being.

    You two WILL be parents. And wonderful parents at that.

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  69. AnonymousOctober 8, 2011 at 6:00 AM

    Kara and Matt, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how you are feeling right now. You two will make awesome, awesome parents one day, I have no doubt about that. I have no words, I am in shock. Thinking of you both, x

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  70. IngerOctober 8, 2011 at 8:23 AM

    My heart just broke for you! I am so sorry this happened to you and Matt. I have been silently following your blog for a while now and have been praying with you for your baby. I won't stop praying! I can see you are already parents at heart and you will have a baby to give all your love to some day. I just wish it would have happened by now.. Love from Manchester, UK

    -Inger-

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  71. LieslOctober 8, 2011 at 10:47 AM

    I'm so sorry to be reading this, and I'm also sorry to be able to say I know *exactly* how you're feeling. We were also notified yesterday (after being matched with a birthmom since March) that our adoption has failed. This is actually our 2nd failed adoption, but stings much more than the first did. We'll be holding you guys up in prayer over these next days. I am not going to say the cliche things that are so often well-meaning, but not at all helpful (we're getting a lot of them, too). I will just tell you that my heart breaks for you, and we'll be praying for the peace that God promises that surpasses all understanding (even our own, and especially others').

    So, so sorry :(

    Praying for and with you...
    Liesl Irwin

    www.irwin-update.blogspot.com

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  72. SarahOctober 8, 2011 at 1:18 PM

    Another silent reader who's never commented before. You're both in our prayers, I pray that God's comfort will just surround you and uphold you in the next few weeks.

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  73. AnonymousOctober 8, 2011 at 5:47 PM

    Like so many others on here, I have also been a silent follower. My heart is broken for you two and there are no words to express just how sorry I am for your loss. You guys will be in my thoughts.

    Kristi

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  74. AnonymousOctober 8, 2011 at 6:49 PM

    i am so sorry. i have been silently following your blog for months. i am grieving for you both. sending so much love your way. i am praying for you.

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  75. AnonymousOctober 8, 2011 at 7:09 PM

    Kara,

    As someone who stumbled upon your blog a while ago, and as someone who is very much interested in adoption, I have enjoyed reading your blog over the last few months, feeling the anticipation and excitement you and Matt have been feeling. I was devastated by your news.

    I know there aren't words to express how you must be feeling--the grief and the loss. I was also imagining how hard it must be to put yourself so fully out there and vulnerable online for the world to see, and to announce this also.

    But please know, that as believers, we are carrying this with you. In a time where you're probably not feeling a lot of happiness, know that by sharing your news, you've enabled the Body to be the Body. We are grieving with you, and, if anything, you are not alone in that. Silly quote, I know, but the Lord of the Rings line always speaks to me is when Sam tells Frodo, 'I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.' That's how we operate--strangers or not, we are family. And we'll carry you any way we know how until your hearts are whole, you are covered in prayer and you find true healing.

    -Seattlite

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  76. Melissa @ Growing Up GeekyOctober 8, 2011 at 11:54 PM

    I am so so sorry :(

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  77. The GarciasOctober 9, 2011 at 4:15 AM

    I, too, have been a silent follower of your blog. I am so sorry for this loss! I have been checking in with excitement for the news that he was born. I know that my excitement is a small fraction of what you two had been feeling. My cousin and her husband experienced the same loss with what would have been their first son. It almost makes me mad...I don't know if it is right to feel that way or not but I am very sad for you and your sweet little family. I will definitely be praying for you guys.

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  78. SarahOctober 9, 2011 at 2:07 PM

    I am so sorry! I know this is extremely hard for you, but I also know that God is with you. He will not fail you. Keep trusting in Him!

    Praying for you both!

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  79. AnneOctober 9, 2011 at 7:50 PM

    Dear Kara, i have been silently following your blog for some times. Reading about the sad news really broke me into tears.I am grieving for you both. Be strong.

    Hugs.

    Angela Peter,Sarawak MALAYSIA

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  80. SharonOctober 9, 2011 at 8:06 PM

    My heart breaks for you, I'm so sorry to hear this. I know it will all work out for you the way it's meant to, but until then lean on the one's you love.

    Sincerely, Sharon

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  81. ScratchNeedlesOctober 10, 2011 at 1:32 AM

    OMG! There are no words to express this saddness. Im so sorry. I've been following this blog for sometime now and am so shocked at this news. I hope you can be there for each other and help to mend each others hearts.

    Rach (Adelaide, Australia) xxx

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  82. KaitOctober 11, 2011 at 10:22 PM

    Kara and Matt,

    You don't know me personally at all but we have friends of friends. I just want to say from deep down in the center of my heart how truly devastated I am for you both. Words can not do these feelings justice, so all I can say at this time is that you are loved and thought of and prayed for by someone who has only heard your stories and felt your parental love through them. I can't wait for the day that I read posts about your child whom you'll have in your arms. Because that day is coming!

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  83. The Life of BlightsOctober 14, 2011 at 1:46 PM

    I also have been following your blog for a while. I'm so so sorry. PRaying for you guys.

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  84. jamie@cueyourlifeOctober 17, 2011 at 4:06 PM

    Matt and Kara, I am so very sorry. I haven't read the blog for a couple weeks and am heartbroken to read this today. There are no words. My heart goes out to you.

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  85. LouiseOctober 22, 2011 at 9:34 AM

    oh guys, i am so sorry. thinking of you.

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  86. SarahOctober 26, 2011 at 12:51 AM

    This exact awful horrific thing just happened to me & my husband 1 week ago today. We are still numb & very angry. I truly know and feel you pain at this very moment. My heart goes out to you & your husband..

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  87. michelle b @ every little thing inspiredNovember 2, 2011 at 11:58 PM

    I just came across your blog today and my heart hurts to read this post.
    Wishing you a little person in your family very soon
    xoxo.

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  88. AnonymousDecember 3, 2011 at 1:11 PM

    I'm so sorry. Your baby will be coming home soon! prayer your ways xoxo

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