On My Heart: Psalm 23

This was written for my small group (Bible study) through my church. Our leader asked us to each pick a Psalm and then journal about it - either in relation to how it's taught you something or in relation to how the Lord has worked in your life. Here is my Psalm:

Psalm 23

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil;  My cup overflows. Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life,  And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

As long as I can remember, this Psalm has been one that has brought a lot of comfort to me – when I’m worried, I’ll recite it, when I’m scared I’ll recite it, when I’m depressed I’ll recite it. 

The Psalm is an ongoing picture of life – we are on this long journey with Him, and we are on His path, but it doesn’t mean we won’t be led through times where it feels we are standing in the shadows and darkness of the world. It doesn’t mean that we won’t face our enemies head on, or feel despair, or feel alone. But he always comes through for us – the path is always a path to righteousness. 

Over the last year as I struggled with trusting the Lord with my life and my dreams, especially my dream of being a mother, the one verse that brought me the most comfort and the most conviction is that God asks me to dine with him right on the battlefield – “you prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies”. This is an insane concept to me as a human – we’re in the middle of a battle and you want me to stop so I can hang out with you? And eat? While the enemy is coming straight for me?!?

The key here is the focus the Lord asks of us in the midst of struggle – if we look at the work of the enemy, how close they are getting to us, how scary they are, the worst that could happen, then we lose all hope. If we try to fight the battle ourselves, we lose. What He asks of us is to focus on Him, on His work, on His goodness, on His protection. We can’t look in two places at once, and only looking at God is the obedient thing to do – the thing that pulls us through the darkness. 

And then there is the verse – “your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” A rod is used for correction, a staff used for guidance. I have really struggled with marrying the concept of God as a loving father but also a god who “allows” me to be refined in the fire – to be sifted like wheat. I know I need correction, and change of my heart and my mind, but I have really struggled with the idea that when we are hurting God still doesn’t stop this process – as a human it feels like he is kicking me when I’m down. But that’s not it at all. 

All of this correction and guidance while we are in the middle of a battle, reminds me of a children’s story I read once – there was a little boy who was friends with a big dragon. The dragon had heavy scales all over his body and as they traveled together and played together, things kept getting stuck in the dragon’s scales until he became totally unable to fly. The little boy and the dragon tried desperately to remove some of the debris and items from the scales, but nothing worked. The little boy was tugging at one of the pieces of debris and by accident, the scale came off with it. The dragon howled in pain, but immediately felt lighter. The little boy realized that in order to help the dragon get rid of the debris so he could fly again, he would have to remove all the dragon’s scales. He told the dragon his idea, but the dragon protested and cried – it would take so long and it would hurt so much to do that. The boy patiently told the dragon that if he wanted to fly, he would have to remove his scales, but if he chose not to, the little boy would still love him just the same.  Eventually the dragon gave in. The process of removing the scales was painful and long just as the dragon predicted, but at the end of it, the dragon looked brand new – and he could fly again. The story ended with the little boy hoping on the dragon’s back and they flew off into the sunset, the dragon smiling from ear to ear, thanking the little boy for saving him. 

 I know that I can be that dragon sometimes – bogged down with not only my skewed identity, but with all the baggage I have gathered over the years. And I know that the Lord is just like that little boy – he wants to be with me even if I am pulled down by sin and struggle. 

If I would only allow Him to help me and refine me then I could better serve him. I keep forgetting that refinement is painful at times, at least to my human heart, but it is necessary and it means God loves me enough to change me. This is what the Lord means by saying His rod and His staff are comforting – only in our obedience can we be free. 

Obviously, I go through this cycle again and again – walking with the Lord in peace, being able to rest in His grace, and then all of a sudden I am standing in the shadow of the world, in darkness and struggle and I feel lost and afraid and alone. 

But God always says to me, “Come sit, dear one. Come and feast on my love. I’ll protect you and watch over you and make you new again.” And He always follows through, once I relent and let him do His work, and in the end the blessings are so many I cannot count them – my cup overflows.